Oakland Raiders: Davis concedes to reality, finally selling stake in team

Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis, long resistant to the idea of selling a stake in his franchise, has finally decided to do just that.

The Oakland Raiders gained the final rubber-stamp approval for their financing plan at the latest round of recently concluded league meetings, and the work on the organization’s new home in the Silver State will likely begin soon.

Expected to be completed in August 2020, many believe the current price tag of $1.8 billion may rise considerably as we creep closer to the actual ribbon cutting ceremony.

One of those people who believe it – and is in a better position than most to know – is Raiders owner Mark Davis, who is already taking steps to counter the expected cost overrun.

Long resistant to the idea of selling all, or even part, of the team, Davis – widely considered the “poorest” owner in the league – has made the decision to sell a stake in the iconic franchise.

Though stadium financing, and the expected rise in the cost of building the Raiders’ new home, plays a role in his decision, the bigger reasons for the sale of a controlling stake in the soon-to-be Las Vegas Raiders may surprise you.

First reported by the Silver State Journal’s Ayam Deseevyngu, Davis gave a lengthy interview, in which he expounded upon his reasons for selling a controlling stake of the team.

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"“I’m just not having fun anymore, man. I honestly expected my father to, like, live forever. And when he passed, I wasn’t prepared to be the one making all these decisions. It’s hard. I mean, obviously, I love the team, and I’ll still be around. But, I never wanted to be the one in charge of it all.”"

Though most would have anticipated Davis selling a controlling interest to a Sheldon Adelson or Steve Wynn, wealthy business moguls long tied to the Vegas community, he is, in true Raider fashion, blazing a much different path.

A consortium of Las Vegas luminaries, spearheaded by David Blaine, Sigfried and Roy, Wayne Newton, and a host of Elvis impersonators (both, the young King, and the old, fat Vegas version), have put together a financial package that will cover the expected cost overruns of the new stadium.

Legendary Vegas performer, Sigfried, said in the same interview:

"“We really can’t wait to get started. We are going to make this a true Las Vegas experience. One of the first changes we’ll make is doing away with the Raiderettes and replacing them with genuine Vegas showgirls – giant headdresses and all. It will be unlike anything else in the league and the fans are going to love it.”"

His longtime partner Roy, was quick to add his two cents on the reshaping of the Raiders brand and culture.

"“We’ll have a different performer at every halftime show. Maybe we’ll have Celine Dion, or the Blue Man Group. Maybe, we’ll even have a Cirque show in for halftime at some point. It’s really going to be fabulous. It’s going to have so much flair. Flair for days.”"

Excitement is aboudning in Sin City with the news. Even the normally dry, deadpan street magician, David Blaine, was uncharacteristically chipper and effusive when asked about his involvement with the new investor group.

"“Yes. I’m excited.”"

Though some may fear the coming changes to the organization’s mythology and lore, there’s one person who’s excited about it – and that is Davis himself.

"“I’m really looking forward to getting out of the spotlight and back to my life. I can’t wait to drive around in my custom van, eat at P.F. Changs or Hooters, and not have people hassling me about it all the time. And I really can’t wait for people to stop knocking me about my haircut. Can’t a man pay tribute to a cinematic icon like Lloyd Christmas and not catch grief about it?”"

Asked about what his father might think of what he’s doing and the course the franchise is charting into the future, Davis acknowledged that it might not have been Al’s way of doing things.

"“I’m sure he would have hated it. He was never a big fan of magicians. Or Wayne Newton. But, like I said before, I actually expected him to live forever. He paid a small fortune for that immortality elixir. Now, I’m starting to think the guy who sold it to him wasn’t really a Tibetan monk after all.”"

As the Raiders leave the Bay Area and head to their new home in the Silver State, the future of the franchise will look markedly different. One thing that will never change though, is that every year, we’ll continue putting up prank articles that hopefully give you a little laugh for your day. Happy April Fool’s Day, folks.

Next: Gruden Isn't Nuts, He's Just Playing The Long Game

This entire article was satire and was not meant to be taken seriously. And no Elvises – the young King, or the old, fat Vegas version – were harmed in its creation. Thank you, thank you very much…

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