What’s Wrong with the Oakland Raiders?


Lo, we have walked through the valley of shadow of death. And come out 0-4.

Over the past week, I’ve listened to the fans of the Oakland Raiders. On sports radio. On Facebook. On Twitter. On every cockamamie social platform you could dream up.

And here’s what they’ve said:

Dennis Allen, possible Broncos’ Trojan horse, has gone. Let’s get rid of  McKenzie, too. And the man running the show: He can’t find GM talent, went looking for a head coach and came back with DA. But don’t you  think for one second he fared any better with the rest of the coaching staff. Or the front office. Or med staff. Ticket office is filled with jokers and don’t get me started on the website.

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But actually, if you think about some more, the roster is a barren wasteland. Madden and Lombardi combined into one Super Coach could not coax more than four wins from these guys.  It’s the offense.  The run game is still warming up on the bike, not realizing the game has  already begun.  If footballs were music, our receiving corps would be Beat by Dre.  And…wait, do we have a tight end?  The o-line, not bad, actually. Unfortunately, they are the only players who do not score. 

Carr has Rookie Criticism Immunity for a few more weeks. But, f*** it, put in McGloin.The minute he steps on the field, winning is possible again and jubilation reigns. 

You know who really sucks though?  The D.

All of the bad so far, that’s 100 percent on them. The linebackers: please.  Back that LOS up. Imagine for one moment that the Willlie Brown Fairy sprinkled some coverage dust on the secondary,  

He’d need to pour the whole bucket on.

With our pass rush in a leisurely mood, the coverage must hold up for minutes. RGIII could film a new Subway commercial in the pocket. Actually, not a bad idea. Justin Tuck might show a little urgency to get on set.

Final blame tally: 0 and 100 percent for everyone.  This is the collective wisdom of the Raiders fan base, as heard on the radio, in the stands, and from the streets. That is why the organization won’t listen, nor should it.

Sep 30, 2014; Alameda, CA, USA; Oakland Raiders general manager

Reggie McKenzie

during a press conference to introduce Tony Sparano (not pictured) as Raiders interim coach at the Raiders practice facility. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Suppose, for example, a magical and wondrous world much like ours in every detail, save one.  Here, Raiders’ management has talked things over and decided to poll the fans. Mark and Reggie, they say, “Tell us, Raider Nation, which of these choices do we make?” And we’d yell “all of them.”

Now, I am not the cranky buzzkill guy saying you’re all idiots, stop talking.  No way. You watch the team and you know what you saw. Could be wrong, might be right.  Maybe you were on the wrong channel and watched the other game, in which case, yeah, you should probably stop.

Otherwise, have opinions. Loud ones. Unpopular ones. Abrasive ones.

I know I will.

Just don’t expect the team to hear you.  Don’t hop aboard the expletive train when they don’t. Not all of Raider Nation does, of course, not by a long shot. But if you find yourself beginning a sentence with “if only those idiots had done what I said about …..” or “this team cannot …….. until…….”  take a deep breath and remember someone else screamed just as loudly for the exact opposite. So blame that guy.

And later, when you flub that one that one he nailed, he can blame you.