Kap to the 49ers’ Future: No Longer the Joke of the NFC West

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Photo: Reddit

Well 49ers fanatics, it’s that time of the year again. Another miserable year with Alex Smith, Norv Turner, and….wait…it’s 2013! 2013! Yes! The 49ers are no longer the blunt of the NFL and NFC West joke anymore! This is the future we’ve always been hoping for!

For the first time since the mid-90’s, power rankings have the 49ers mostly at the top of their charts. Broncos vs. 49ers Super Bowl anyone?

In this weekly article, I will “Kap to the Future” and attempt to predict the 49ers’ outcome both in game play and off the field antics in the most fun way possible.

Game Score Prediction: 49ers 32, Packers 21

Stats:

Colin Kaepernick: 312 passing yards, 84 rushing yards. 2 TD total.

Eddie Lacy: Yeah right…a rookie against stacked D-line? 12 yards.

Aaron Rogers: 289 passing yards, 3 TD

Boldin and Davis: 156 receiving yards total

James Jones: 14 yards, 2 TD. Fantasy Killer.

Quinton Patton: Solid first game, 65 yards.

Frank Gore: One rushing TD.

 

Percentages:

Aaron Rogers giving up his salary as he promised on Twitter: 0.0%

Quinton Patton doing a dance for his first NFL reception: 16.7%

Kyle Williams dropping a punt: 5.3%

Aldon Smith getting a sack: 98% (Penalized 15 yards for shooting gun off in air as celebration)

Terrell Owens sneaking onto the Niners sideline to relive the glory days: 4% (depends if he can afford a ticket after all the recent checks he’s been writing)

Jim Harbaugh looking mad when he is actually happy: 100%

Colin Kaepernick kissing those sweet, tender muscles of his: 99.99999%

At least one expert calling Colin Kaepernick the greatest QB in the NFL after one game: 82%

Power outage: Call Ray Ray, supposedly he knows something we don’t. 1.1%

There you have it, 49ers’ fans. The future is clear.

Topics: Aaron Rogers, Colin Kaepernick, San Francisco 49ers

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